


An Unlucky Chapter

by ADojo



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, mental issues, this is for lapidot angst week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 03:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13696233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADojo/pseuds/ADojo
Summary: Lapis lives with Peridot and notices some odd things





	An Unlucky Chapter

**Author's Note:**

> Hey read the final notes if certain mental illnesses would trigger you so I may say a warning.  
> This is my submission for Lapidot Angst Week

                The worlds an interesting place, through life you can feel such a wide range and go through so much. I wasn’t expecting a lot but I do realize I was brought into happiness and sometimes that’s a feeling that you aren’t willing to let go regardless of anything. Life is a battle and happiness isn’t a reward it’s a bystander that occasionally accidently follows your path. Satisfaction is a reward. Those are at least my views after the past week.

                “Hey Lapis what do you want to do after lunch?” Peridot happily asked while leaning back and staring at the glowing screen. They’d watch things together while they ate but even when food vanished from the plates images still ran along the screen. Sometimes even an hour after their meal, it was time spent together.

                “I got some art to make, after that though… Hmm, by that time it’s already going to be night. Life sucks.” Lapis laughed at her own words, mentally begging for more seconds on their free day. “Well you’re free tomorrow right? What about going to a movie?”

                “Lapis we can’t just spend all our rent at theatres again,” Peridot laughed back with a smile held along her face. That had stayed for every day since they’d moved in together, like a positive curse because how could Lapis resist joy looking at that face.

                “Fine, I’ll sneak you in anyways they charge less for a child, like yourself.” Lapis shot back with a sly look along her shoulder. Sneaking a gaze at her love, Peridot looked back and returned with her tongue stuck out.

                “We’re the same age, rude.” Peridot slowly began to stand as credits started to roll down the screen. “I’ll be right back, gotta use the restroom.”  Walking off Lapis let her gaze fall for Peridot’s figure, she was quite curvy and the mess of blonde hair still holding bed head was beautiful.

                “If you must,” Lapis shrugged and then began closing her eyes thinking of the space around her. A comfortable roof over their heads and bills that were easily payed for by two, life could be easy and it could be all she asked for. They were barely 18 but still each had their own paths they went by, Peridot was a genius with computers and Lapis had a large presence in art. “Hey so are we going to go to the movies?”

                A muffled voice responded after the door closed. “If you really want to,” it held a tinge of annoyance. Lapis knew the bills were coming soon but still every second was their youth and she planned to live it out.

                “Alright, if not I’d be glad to make dinner and watch something here once I’m done with this monster piece. Man this is some weird ass perspective it’s kind of hilarious the pain I put myself through.” She spoke as if a microphone was in her throat, loud and clear. Looking over her picture and it held three different layers of sections, one close then they just got further with an overhead view.

                “I swear you’re doing something weirder each week.” Peridot said and her voice continued to hold irritation. Lapis felt her breath leave uneasily, her mind racing with different remedies for the situation.

                “Yeah well babe its fine I just like sharing with you. I mean I never get your stuff but.-” Lapis was cut off with Peridot’s eyes as the bathroom opened. Concern showed on her face not anger. A balance had died in the room as one side began to feel a lot heavier.

                “You alright?” Lapis asked and Peridot briefly shook her head before walking over.

                “Yeah I’m fine… Maybe we could have dinner here tonight?”

                “Sure thing.” Lapis quickly plopped herself up and began walking towards the kitchen. She heard subtle sounds of rambling as Peridot walked ahead of her but she just couldn’t understand the words. _I hope she’s alright._

 

                Together they had dinner watching old comedies in each other’s arms. Lapis would frequently move around the couch so that she could hold Peridot, definition of snuggle bug. Feeling the brief heat pressing into her the closer she got. Pictures moving in front of them didn’t matter, especially when she’d already seen the movie before. All that mattered was the feel of Peridot’s soft skin beneath hers as she urged her body forward.

                “Hey want to take it upstairs?” Lapis asked and as Peridot turned with a confused face Lapis launched herself. Flying forward Lapis ran their lips together, a soft collision as her arms wrapped around Peridot like a pretzel. Pressing further slowly the blonde obliged and opened her lips as their tongues softly caressed each other.

                “I think I see what you mean… I’d love to Lazuli.” Hand in hand they went up the stairs. Soft carpeted steps underneath, Lapis felt light in her chest. The night wasn’t dark, the night was the stars in the sky and the bright shine that fell around her love drunk heart.

                “You’re going to have to lose those clothes.” Lapis slowly closed the door only leaving a crack to the hallway. Leaving a ray of light that ran all the way up her girlfriends’ body as the blonde nervously looked off. Even with the time they’d been together the blonde was still shy with certain aspects.

                Soon enough Lapis had joined her, throwing her clothes along the floor and pouncing at the girl. Pinning her to the bed and together they laughed as they had their fun.

 

                That night they laid in lovely sheets entwining their body, when you have to share a single blanket things get interesting. One person turns on their side facing away and the blankets drag you along with them, forcing snuggles. Like a net had been casted out, Lapis was reeled in comfortably.

                In the dull light of a street light outside she could make out the blondes’ face. Such a soft expression of rest, the small breathes that would raise her chest were breathtaking. It showed that her love was alive, that for once she had something that was hers.

                “Lapis…” Peridot purred out lowly. Lapis giggled and kept starring.

                “Yes love?” Lapis coo’d out mere inches from her ear. Her arms slowly were beginning to snake around the girl. It was rare that she spoke in her sleep but Lapis loved to listen to the odd things.

                “I hate you.” Her voice didn’t sound groggy, Lapis hand stopped in its tracks leaving her hand in the air as her chest felt hollow. Her breath started to feel as if it wasn’t enough to fill the void appearing in her lungs.

                “What… babe?” Lapis’ voice sounded choked as if shards of fear clung inside her throat. _Just a nightmare, you can’t control what happens when you sleep. This isn’t real. God dammit just calm down lazuli no way this is real._

                “I’d have been so much better off if I never met you.” Lapis began prodding Peridot lightly with tears forming in her eyes. _This isn’t right… I don’t want to hear this._ “Die.”

                “Babe… Please wake up.” Lapis pleaded with the body. Finally the blonde began to turn her way. Lapis was completely sobbing on her shoulder and holding the blonde tight, as if praying the words wouldn’t continue.

                “Lapis are you okay? What’s wrong? Oh god did you have another nightmare again?” Lapis didn’t respond to the frantic words though, she kept crying with the dull light of a street lamp continued to press through.

                Eventually the ugly cries died down and Lapis fell asleep with Peridot brushing her hair but regardless her mind couldn’t leave the place of what she heard.

 

                That morning when she woke, it felt as if her eyes had been super glued shut as it took worlds of strength to finally open them. Her bed was empty though, she thought she heard the door downstairs and decided to quickly follow it. Raggedly throwing on sweat pants and a baggy hoody she began to run down the stairs. However leaving the bathroom was Peridot, _wasn’t the front door… oh._

                “Hey… odd I thought you left.” Lapis nervously spoke, rubbing the back of her head she approached her computer. Turning it on she continued to watch the blonde who looked as if she didn’t get any sleep.

                “Yeah we should probably get to work… I feel like we do nothing too much sometimes.” Peridot sounded exactly how she looked, dead.

                “Maybe you should go back to bed… you look pretty tired.” Lapis queried still a little shaken from the night.

                “Maybe we should talk about somethings.” Her voice sounded so scary to Lapis, it was nearly confident in what she was about to say. Peridot was always nervous about bringing things up, this had to be serious. Lapis looked down at her screen as it slowly booted up. _Okay… let’s just hear what she has to say, calm down. Why do I always make things the end of the world when something confronts me…? I have issues._

                “We should break up.”

                “What?” Lapis shouted back, unable to hold it in she looked up in terror.

                “I wasn’t sleeping last night.” Lapis prayed that this was a dream but as she tore into her arms and looked at the floor she could clearly tell it wasn’t.

                “I… Bu-… Wh…” Lapis couldn’t speak any of her words, it was like a thesaurus had went through a paper shredder. Just like that thesaurus her inner parts mirrored it, unable to look the blonde in the eyes she went back to her computer. Then she heard the front door opening.

                _Now you’re leaving me? You made it to the door so quickly… you must really fucking…_ Even her thoughts were cut off by the razors she felt plummeting along her mind.  Large wet tears trailed along her thin face as her chest didn’t have the usual raise but instead a stuttering mess.

                “Lapis are you alright?” Peridot shouted as she ran over. Lapis looked up pleadingly.

                “Please don’t leave me… I love you… I’m a mess without you.” She raised her hands and quickly grabbed Peridot’s shoulders feeling the cloth pull in between her fingers.

                “Lapis I was just out getting the mail… what’s going on?” Peridot’s voice was scared and she wore familiar eyes of the day before. Concern it was like all of her emotions she just displayed had vanished.

                “Do you really think we should break up?” Lapis planted her face into Peridot’s collar bone and the let her face turn to mush against her clothes.

                “What god no! Lapis I love you,” she frantically shot out. Peridot tensely grabbed Lapis by the shoulders and began pulling her closer and closer, as if they could fuse. “Lapis… why do you ask this?”

                “Because you said… You said we should break up…” Lapis cried out, harshly closing her eyes to the bitter world around her.

                “Lapis… I never said that…” Their embrace faltered as they both thought about it. Lapis thought of lies while Peridot’s mind bred fear. “I’ve been hearing you Lapis… I heard you talking to yourself the other day and I just thought… Maybe, well maybe you were trying to hype yourself up for a piece but I’ve been worrying.”

                “No… I haven’t been, I’ve been talking to you. You tell me awful things like how you didn’t love me last night and how you would have been so much more successful if you never got with me.” Lapis began dropping to her knees, her fall slowed thanks to her harsh grip on Peridot.

                “Lapis… I promise you I haven’t said any of those things. Maybe you should see a doctor.” The room ran silent under the thoughts of that though.

                “Peridot I’m fine I don’t need a doctor… I just need you.” Lapis lowly spoke. Dragging herself away she looked at the girl in front of her, no smile in sight.

                _That was only the first signs though, we didn’t know how days would change and months would tack on. The straw that broke the camel’s back as they say. That day ended with us together in bed and frantic eyes looking around. I wasn’t willing to leave and she was willing to stay._

_The first few weeks held rapid changes for each of us. Arguments… that was a first for us, they were boiling though. They would end someone would be crying Sometimes unaware whether they were real or if I was only screaming at shadows._

“Lapis I love you. Lapis I hate you, kill yourself Lapis. Kill Me Lapis.” These voices encased the girl as she laid in bed. Her eyes opened and the room would be empty but even few moments could pass and the room would fill. Not of anything real but of ideas passing by, of thoughts.

                “Peridot where are you? Peridot.” Lapis cried out, her mind had been destroyed, days had turned into weeks of desperation. Green eyes all around with voices that all sounded the same.

                “I’m right here Lazuli,” sounded off an acapella of voices. “I… Lapis…” Said a blonde that had just entered the room. Her eyes full of tears. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this Lapis… You need help.”

                “You’re all I need…” With those words she reached out her hand to a door that slowly closed. In a dark room she laid surrounded by the voices that couldn’t maintain a consistent body.

               

                Even with all the hard work you can put into your life sometimes it doesn’t pay out, sometimes it never gets noticed. Sometimes you slip down the drain with the only rope being the one around your neck. The last ounces of day were surrounding now, the last moment of what could be called sunlight.

                “Lapis I will not give in! I will not give up god dammit!” The door slammed open as it wasn’t just a single person but two brought into the room. _Are you real…_

                “No she’s not Lapis. Don’t look over there, don’t listen to them they want to separate us.” Lapis looked over and she saw the blonde that hadn’t left her side. _You’re real right? Yeah…_ “Lapis you love me don’t you?”

                “Yeah.” _Kill them._ _Hurt them._ “Peridot…” Lapis thought the harsh words were a little odd but they were starting to click in her mind. By themselves they were safe, they were together.

                “Lapis stop looking over there, no one is there.” Said the girl standing by the door way. _The imposter._

                “Don’t step closer god dammit!” Lapis screamed out looking over to the doorway. She raised her fists and pointed towards the door but the blonde girl in the doorway ran at her. She didn’t stop at the bed but instead launched herself.

                She tumbled forward till she landed at Lapis, their body crashes. It felt different than the one beside her. Arms went around her back and held so tight as if the world would crumble if she didn’t hold her as such. It was so familiar and Lapis for the first time in a moment couldn’t disprove the one on her.

                “Lapis I love you and I won’t let this happen to you. We’re going to help you.” Lapis let her body sit as shadows began evaporating around her. There were two Peridots in the room last she checked but looking at the mess of blonde hair covering her eyes she knew which was it.

                “Okay.” She let her head tilt downward toward the warmth and gave in. Even if doctors scared her, she needed something.

                Life may throw curve balls but humans tend to perceive hope along with tragedy and Lapis thought that this new experience… She could still be saved. Together they left. Just the two of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Lapis suffers from something similar to schizophrenia and it gets pretty rough for them. 
> 
> You can follow me on adojoa.tumblr.com Also did you think this was a happy or sad ending???


End file.
